My major revision on the unit one, Advocacy Essay, is changing my argument from support the same-sex marriage in United States to advocate same-sex marriage law to pass in a global scale. Furthermore, I’ve also made some adjustment on my evidences, sentences structure, grammar, as well as my examples. By revising the argument, not only it could provide more hardships and situations that LGBT community have encountered, also it gives us the different views on LGBT community from country to country. Furthermore, my original argument does not have a solid evidence that LGBT community has fewer rights than heterosexual people on marriage sense because of the court case ‘Obergefell v. Hodges’, the U.S supreme judge’s ruling that led to legalize the homosexual marriage nationwide. Moreover, in my first advocacy essay, my argument did not support by the body paragraph because I focused too much on foreign countries’ LGBT marriage rights. Therefore, the evidences I chose for my first advocacy essay was irrelevant to my thesis. By changing the argument, I could make the evidences seemingly irrelevant for my original Advocacy essay to support my second argument. Furthermore, I was able to reveal some countries have some extreme prosecution for homosexuality which could potentially have the emotional effect on the audience. By making the audience feel sympathy for other human beings not deserving the punishments they have, audience would start thinking the rationality for people to receive punishment just because who they are. Then, I have chosen to balance out tone of my essay by choosing the countries that illegalized homosexual marriage, and comparing to the countries that legalized homosexual marriage, which it reveals and supports the center of my argument because by comparing the two different approaches from different governments’ actions toward homosexuals, we can see the cruelty and violence from the governments that exercise death penalty for homosexals, in contrary to the governments that exercise democracy and freedom to all their citizens. Furthermore, those countries serve as my evidences that overall countries that passed the same-sex marriage law are relatively more civilized than those countries were not. Additionally, by revealing the oppression in the countries that have hatred toward LGBT community, it raises a question which is why do such things to other human beings. By making the audience think about this question, it will effectively support my argument. Moreover, my rearrangement of sentence structure and grammar, in my opinion, makes the Advocacy essay easier to read. In my original Advocacy, audience could easily not get the idea I was trying to convey to them because sometime the tense of the verb did not agree with the previous tense. For example, “If we looked back in time, it would seem a big improvement for Russia.” , the sentence did not work as I intended on the audience, and it was confusing. After a long thought, I omitted this sentence because it is not important and not well connect to the paragraph. Therefore, making some adjustments to the sentence structure is one of the way to make my essay more clear to the audience, consequently, more effectively on persuading them because when the audience clearly understands the intention of the author, then, they are forming a bond that connects like a conversation from a friend to friend. Lastly, I have also made some adjustments for examples due to the change in argument. The last portion before the conclusion that was describing the people in the opposing would say about legalizing the same-sex marriage, for example, was deleted because it seems irrelevant to the argument of legalizing the same-sex marriage. Insead of focus on the negative part of the opposing side would say, mostly untrue and stereotype, in my opinion, it would have more effectiveness if it were to focus on the positive side of enforcing the same-sex marriage law worldwide. Furthermore, I also add the negative effect on LGBT groups due to the lack of marriage law. The collation between LGBT teens and suicide rate would further raise up people’s awareness because in many countries LGBT communities are invisible to majority people in result of their government control. It would further have the impact on people’s emotion because most people do not want to relate youth to suicide and want to prevent that from happening. Therefore, supporting the same-sex marriage would decrease oppression on LGBT community, therefore, decrease the suicide rate. After the revision, my advocacy essay is more clear on my argument and main ideas. Furthermore, the essay is easier to read and more comprehensible. In addition, the evidence I added making the essay more effective on the audience, in my opinion. The sentence structure is somewhat better than the original advocacy essay. Overall, I am pretty satisfied with that I have done in unit four ‘revision’.